![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
A Time to Talk
Sep. 27th, 2018 08:11 pmIt is said that to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven. Well, this is my time to talk and the purposes are to give my perspective and maybe set a few things straight. This is very convoluted, and I might edit for clarity at some point. The content probably won't change.
I was married for several years to a pretty cool guy. We had a kid. Things went south. He left. The kid and I moved. We divorced. He stayed in the kid’s life for a few years and then moved far away. We rarely hear anything and don’t have an address for him, yet know he’s working because the state keeps transferring child support they garnish -it’s less than half of what it once was. Those are the very basic fairly commonly known facts.
This is here, and public. Share it if you want, tell my ex if you like. He’s accused me of poisoning people against him over the years. I’ve kept quiet about a lot of things and mostly only talked to a very small handful of close friends or people I was in relationships with about stuff. Much of the reason for silence was to show respect because a young child who loved his daddy was paying attention and I wanted to do everything I could to enable them to have a positive relationship. I did; my ex did not. There is a lot more that I'm not saying at this time.
( more sordid and tiresome details )
One thing this week has taught me is that we were wrong to believe the lie that we were/are all alone. We are many. It is a sad sister and brotherhood to be a part of, yet we are becoming stronger together.
If you look up “missing stair” my ex-husband matches very well with the behaviors listed there. He even changes screen names and email addresses at times so it’s harder to find evidence of his various social circles. He has engaged in grooming behaviors and preyed upon young women at games, faires, social gatherings, conventions, and more. Most of those who larped with him and/or worked with him professionally haven’t seen it; they were not his prey. They may have been targeted to believe in how good and helpful he is, and how responsible. He did things for other people he would not do for us.
He is in therapy now, and I hope he is getting the help he needs. We still hear nothing from him unless it’s a birthday or Christmas. Even that was a couple of minutes talking to his son and over an hour venting to me about what has gone wrong in his life. I refused to talk to him the last time. He can send email or set up something in advance if we need to address something together. He doesn’t get to ruin any more celebrations. I hope he doesn’t damage any more lives.
I was married for several years to a pretty cool guy. We had a kid. Things went south. He left. The kid and I moved. We divorced. He stayed in the kid’s life for a few years and then moved far away. We rarely hear anything and don’t have an address for him, yet know he’s working because the state keeps transferring child support they garnish -it’s less than half of what it once was. Those are the very basic fairly commonly known facts.
This is here, and public. Share it if you want, tell my ex if you like. He’s accused me of poisoning people against him over the years. I’ve kept quiet about a lot of things and mostly only talked to a very small handful of close friends or people I was in relationships with about stuff. Much of the reason for silence was to show respect because a young child who loved his daddy was paying attention and I wanted to do everything I could to enable them to have a positive relationship. I did; my ex did not. There is a lot more that I'm not saying at this time.
( more sordid and tiresome details )
One thing this week has taught me is that we were wrong to believe the lie that we were/are all alone. We are many. It is a sad sister and brotherhood to be a part of, yet we are becoming stronger together.
If you look up “missing stair” my ex-husband matches very well with the behaviors listed there. He even changes screen names and email addresses at times so it’s harder to find evidence of his various social circles. He has engaged in grooming behaviors and preyed upon young women at games, faires, social gatherings, conventions, and more. Most of those who larped with him and/or worked with him professionally haven’t seen it; they were not his prey. They may have been targeted to believe in how good and helpful he is, and how responsible. He did things for other people he would not do for us.
He is in therapy now, and I hope he is getting the help he needs. We still hear nothing from him unless it’s a birthday or Christmas. Even that was a couple of minutes talking to his son and over an hour venting to me about what has gone wrong in his life. I refused to talk to him the last time. He can send email or set up something in advance if we need to address something together. He doesn’t get to ruin any more celebrations. I hope he doesn’t damage any more lives.
